When Brady and I were first married (almost 18 years ago) I thought "being in love" was about how he made me feel. When he would do something nice for ME I would say with a sigh "I love you." However, what I really meant (even though I didn't know it) was I love me, I love the way you make ME feel. This kind of shallow, worldy, misunderstanding of love I held can't go the distance a lifelong relationship requires. When married life begins to get comfortable and routine, when we quit trying to woo each other, when the business of children, careers, even "churchy opportunities" compete for our attention relationships suffer if the love is based on how I feel. If I put Brady's needs ahead of my own than I am loving him, I love him.
Jesus said all ten of the commandments can be summed up within the first two. Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul mind and strength. Love you neighbor as yourself. Brady sleeping next to me every night doesn't get any more neighborly.
When people say I don't love you anymore what it really means is they don't love what the other person is doing for them anymore. They don't love the way they are making them feel. The older I get and the more I ponder what love really is I have found out I couldn't have been more wrong about love. Love is something you do for another person, it is active, it is a choice. When I say I love Brady it is not about the way he makes me feel. If I love him then I am doing things for him.
I think it is easier to understand this upside down concept in regards to our children. They really can't do much to make us feel loved. But we do things for them unselfishly because we love them and expect nothing from them. This unselfish spirit must be worked into our definition of marital love.
For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE. Not for GOD so loved the world that He TOOK.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Cor. 13:4-7
